Hope you all enjoy!  M
----- Original Message -----




Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed:
"The Gates of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read:
"Please use other entrance."

Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma,
AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me
the kind of person my dog thinks I am."

A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to
this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."

On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer
arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't
have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow
shows up at feeding time, I feed it."

During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what
"Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means
'Tha-tha-tha-that's all  folks!' "

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
answer?
"3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to
me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead
in
the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died
and
went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And
God
threw him back down?"

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time
when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said,
"Daddy,
how do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then
why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up,
I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor
replied,
"but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers
we've ever had."

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I
wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy
say," my wife said.  Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord,
why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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Do not drive faster than your guardian angel can fly