Aren't these just precious!  M
----- Original Message -----

REDNECK SAYINGS

Exclamations of surprise:
"Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!"

Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes'll be outta style."
"This oughta jar your preserves."
"Don't you make me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya."

Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full o' puppies."
"Gooder than grits."

Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." 
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
"Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger you cain't
thump off."

When something doesn't work, you say, "That ain't
no count."

If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd
cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was
catchin."

A hectic schedule keeps you "busier than a cat
covering up crap on a marble floor."

Insults:
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped on the
scale, it said, 'To be continued.'"
"He fell out of the ugly tree... and hit every branch on
the way down."
"The wheel's turning, but the hamster's dead."

Bless her heart:
Any insult is followed by, "Bless her heart."
"She's dumber'n a door knob. Bless her heart."
"She's uglier than a bucket full of armpits. Bless her
heart."