A Few Puns...

  1.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a
fire,  the boat sank....proving once and for all that you can't have your
kayak  and heat it, too.

  2.  Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood
  and became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton
fields  and never amounted to much.  The second one, naturally, became the
lesser of two weevils.

  3.  This guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast.  After looking over
the  menu  he says, "I'll just have the Eggs Benedict".  His order comes awhile
  later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap.  He asks the waiter
"What's  with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for
the hollandaise."

  4.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain
  during root canal work?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.

  5.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
  in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about
  an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
  "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't
  stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

  6.  A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
  hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his habit and
  would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.  One
afternoon as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to
find he was out of hazelnut extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw together a
  daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and the bartender exclaimed: "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

  7.  A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
  He came across two men.  One was sitting under a tree reading a book;
the other was typing away on his typewriter.  The lion quickly pounced the man
  reading the book and devoured him.  Even the king of the jungle knows
  that readers digest and writers cramp.

  8.  A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.  One of them
goes  to a family in Egypt and is named "Amahl" The other goes to a family in
  Spain and they name him Juan.  Years later, Juan sends a picture of
  himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
  that she wishes she also had  a picture of Amahl.  Her husband responds, "But they are twins
  - -if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl!"

  9.  A guy goes to a psychiatrist.  "Doc, I keep having these alternating
  recurring dreams.  First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a
  teepee, then I'm a wigwam.  It's driving me crazy.  What's wrong with
  me? "The doctor replies: "It's very simple.  You're two tents."